It's 3:15 in the morning and I'm feeding my addiction instead of sleeping. I haven't had this much trouble going to sleep in ages. My brain in reeling with chaos. my hope is that if I can put just a few of those thoughts down here, then the racket will subside long enough for me to get some shut eye. I apoligize in advance for the randomness of this post. Brain not functioning properly. Note time from above.
1. Money: Tweedle needs new shoes. Her birthday is in a couple of months. Bear needs an ENTIRE summer wardrobe. I need this, that, and the other for graduation in 2 weeks. Skittles's car is two strides from the junk yard. I need a GOOD job yesterday. We won't survive this summer if I don't have one. My loan payments are due soon. Can't even begin to pay them. Other people's names are also on the loans. I could keep going. You get the picture.
2. Relationship: Skittles and I are slowly falling apart yet, today we had a really good day. The girls weren't home tonight. Could they be part of the demise of our relationship? I have no idea where to start with Skittles and I, much less how to fix up all together. I would love to go to some sort of counseling, but money is an issue. See above. I heard Bear tell The Saint (Jerkwad's girlfriend) that she loved her. Please, can we break my heart into smaller pieces? Tweedle is in trouble all the time again. She is slowly slipping away.
3. Time: Somehow I manage to spend two days a week at home, and still, I am so far behind in everything. I can't manage to get anything accomplished and I can't figure out why. Everything is barrelling toward me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Skittles says I do nothing when I'm at home. She's not wrong, but I don't know how to change it. I don't know how it happens.
4. This weekend: I want to rearrange and gut Tweedle's room. Skittles says she'll help. Translation, she'll watch. I want to finish Bear's room by hanging all the pictures and what-not. Skittles wants to go grocery shopping. Yuck. And of course, laundry. Always the laundry.
Well, I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep or if I feel any better, but this was at least something. Lord knows, I can't actually talk to anyone about it. Family wouldn't understand and I have slowly lost touch with all of my friends. Everyday I wake up and wonder how in the hell I ended up here.
I'm going to try and sleep.
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