Mediocrity and Habitual Nothingness

When did this happen? How did this happen? I understand how adults can grow apart and live two separate lives in the same house. But, how do you let that happen with your kids? I am so ashamed to admit that the 4 of us lead totally separate lives. We each go to our respective schools and/or jobs and come home. Nightly activities consist of dinner at the table (with the TV on) and TV for the rest of the night. Weekends aren't much different either. They just include errands and a few more meals (still with the TV on). The house is a mess, I'm behind in school, and we never spend time together as a family.

I first noticed the rut we had fallen into about a week ago. I started picking up Tweedle from after-school-care way earlier than usual and we ran together. But, that's about all the headway that I've made. Today, I hit the roof. Last night I decided that today was going to be about spending time together as a family. I spent hours trying to catch up in school so that today would be free. Skittles did NOTHING last night, even though she knew I wanted to do something today. I was mad at her all day and expressed my anger in passive-aggressive ways. Finally, the girls drug her bike-riding (they only rode for 15 minutes) at 7 pm. Seven. O'clock. At. Night. She couldn't be bothered before then because she didn't want to go. She also didn't want to clean the kitchen, sweep the floors, do laundry or any of the other million things that didn't get done last night. In her defense, they did get a little bit done on Bear's room today (it's coming along nicely, by the way). After they got back from bike riding and I got back from running she got an earful (she told me that I didn't give a damn before she left).

The short version of that spiel is this:
Habitual nothingness and mediocre lives are not enough anymore. TV needs to be the exception, not the rule. I'm tired of the excuses. We aren't too tired, we do have time, and we do have the money (bike riding and game playing costs nothing). I can't because I'm out of shape (Skittles's excuse) isn't going to cut it anymore either. Fix it so you can do things with your kids. I hear about all this stuff they do at their dad's house and I read blogs about super-moms who do all these activities with their kids. The detachment isn't good enough. I'm not saying one person is too blame. I am to blame, you (Skittles) are to blame, and even the girls are to blame. But, we are the adults. We, can fix it. This isn't 'it has to get better' anymore. It WILL get better.

Even if it only gets better between me and the girls. It will get better. It breaks my heart to know that I am so detached from them, that I never spend any quality time with them. Only I can put the pieces back together.